The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
A glimpse into the world of teenage girls
A vibrant felt-tip sign, affixed to the entrance of a private space, declares “GIRLS ONLY” and playfully adds “Boy’s don’t Enter!” with a cheeky note. The text is adorned with bright hearts and stars. Inside, a dozen girls at DRMZ youth club in Carmarthen, Wales, are engrossed in a lively card game when I join them. The atmosphere is warm and conversational, with pizza soon ordered. This visit forms part of my Radio 4 series, About The Girls, which involved conversations with approximately 150 young women, predominantly aged 13 to 17. Their discussions mirrored the themes emerging from the table.
Gendered expectations and the lens of boys
The girls are described as sharp, engaging, and witty, offering a refreshing perspective. They share ambitions for their futures, like becoming a doctor, and express deep bonds with their friends. Their talk ranges from school experiences to social media trends and even debates over Cheese Feast slices. The theme that emerged repeatedly was how girls still define themselves through the prism of boys. Despite this, they are keenly aware of the dynamic.
Bechdel Test and the girls’ narrative
When I posed the question, “What is it really like to be a girl in 2025/26? Tell me the truth, don’t be polite!” the response often began with boys. “Well, boys think/say/want/feel…” became a common refrain. This pattern felt like a real-life twist on the Bechdel Test, a measure for films to have two named women discussing something other than a man. None of the conversations here met that criterion.
“Growing up as a girl, so much of that is about how boys are behaving around you and what they’re doing to you. So there isn’t really a way to talk about that without mentioning boys… and it is frustrating.”
Reflections from the youth center
After the session, I spoke to Alison Harbor, the manager at the youth center. She noted the girls’ openness, saying, “The boys at the club are quite vocal… and pretty confident in sharing their thoughts. Well today, the girls have been the same!” She also mentioned her concern that girls often internalize their struggles. Yet, the irony was that many claimed their behavior shifts when boys are present.
“Girls told me about not wanting to be seen by boys as ‘too much,’ ‘too loud,’ ‘weird,’ or ‘annoying.’ They described boys as loud and funny, but girls had better not be.”
Psychological insights on girlhood
Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a senior lecturer in the psychology of education at the Manchester Institute of Education, has explored similar themes in her research. She noted, “There is certainly a pressure we heard from young women around that—translating into the need to be polite and respectful. They feel the expectations on them were…”
The persistence of this dynamic highlights the ongoing influence of gendered norms. Girls navigate the world with an awareness of how boys perceive them, often adopting behaviors to fit societal ideals. This reality, though seemingly old-fashioned, remains deeply relevant in 2025/26, shaped by the cultural shifts of the past few years, including the #MeToo movement and the rise of figures like Andrew Tate.
